I have been a bit reflective of my life and in particular my friendships today.
Thinking about it I have never really had a friend who was really my “best” friend and who would also call me the same. I did have one friend who was close to this but I felt I was putting in all the friendship effort and only getting half back, we were also very different people. I miss her though.
So what got me thinking about this is seeing how close other people are and that I am not.
I really wish that I did have that wonderful closeness that other people have where they can talk about anything without worry of being judged, where the person knows them so well that nothing needs to be said and where there is just a connection that those around wished they had.
Now I am not saying that I dont have friends but I just dont have that friend. I am sure the friendships that I do have could probably be better but after making all the effort and being hurt years ago I just do not know how anymore. So really this is probably my fault that I do not have the friendships that I really want.
I just dont know how to be a good friend anymore.
Readers if you have any ideas please let me know because really I need the help with this one.
I will revisit this topic because it is something that I think about very often and wish for.